I had one of those days today, I woke up and felt a bit off kilter and I never really found my flow. I realise now, as I’m nearing the end of it, why. I didn’t spend the time to find it. To get in my groove. I let the sense of agitation and discomfort dwell in the background and I didn’t take steps to find my flow.
I just jumped into the deep end and started forcing things that I felt I had to do. The thing is, I knew I was moving into something that might not be as easy because I’m unfamiliar with it and I woke with a sense of discomfort that I should have recognised straight away.
The sense of discomfort I knew was coming from a place of doubt and fear. As soon as I reach a part in my journey that I feel is going to be a little challenging, I tense up. I expect the worse. I attack it head on as if I’m in a road rage with myself. Like – come on, you can do this. Just get it done, get started and get it over with! That’s what I did today. I jumped in, hoping that it would all just happen really quickly and I could finish it- get it over and done with.
Of course, it didn’t work. All day that discomfort continued – I had that niggling feeling in my belly and that annoying tapping on my shoulder that kept talking to me in a language that was NOT helpful.
Like – who you kidding? What are you doing that for? This is difficult. This is not flowing. I should be further ahead with this by now. Am I doing the right thing?
So, at the end of the day, after finally meditating, I start to think of all the things I could have done – had I not been a rush this morning to get things done.
I intend to learn from this day because it’s a not the type of day I want to have very often.
It’s not as if I don’t know this stuff. All of these things I KNOW I need to do to keep myself on track, centred, calm, balanced, clear-headed and productive.
If I don’t do them I’m scattered, worried, off-kilter, doubtful, fuzzy headed and frustrated.
So, Note to self. Don’t rush out on to struggle street – take the time to find my flow by doing the things I know that work. Especially when I’m going to be doing something that I sense is going to be a bit challenging.